It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
