Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
