they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
