I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
