saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
