Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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