Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
