a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
im on a boat
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