So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
