Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
