also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do herpes really smell.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
