How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
