Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
