I will die if light touches me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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