upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
