There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize