Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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