You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
