I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
