So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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