It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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