so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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