Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
