well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
