We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Randomize
