the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
