Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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