My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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