Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
