I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
