is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
