What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
