I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love you. Go after that dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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