I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
God, I missed his penis.
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