I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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