Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All the doctor said was why
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