hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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