i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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