Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
