Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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