Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
