i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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