im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
