I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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