you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
