i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
