He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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