I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
