If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
