I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
