Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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