He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
