Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
