one two three fourrrrnication!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize