cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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