oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You took a bar mat shot.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
