Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
