The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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