i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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