I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
