i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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