You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
