I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
