im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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