it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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