Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
